I Just Like Names...and Food

A year ago, I would have laughed if you told me that my hubs was even considering adding another kiddo to the mix. Recently, it sounds as if he thinks the idea would be okay...he might want a little more spacing between them than I do, but I'm not going to get picky about that. :) I dunno, I guess for me it has never been a question - it's either none or at least two because I don't want the challenges that come with raising an only child. It's not something I'm familiar or comfortable with and I, personally, had a good experience growing up with a sibling.

Anyway, all of that aside... I just really love names. I am NOT pregnant. It was an emotional and exciting ordeal choosing Tobin's name (or his possible girl name, Cassidy, which is now out of the new girl name line-up because it just seems wrong to give that name to a different baby)...and I just can't get enough of researching and putting different combinations together. It's like an addiction. I know I drive my hubs crazy with it, always asking, "Do you like this? Why don't you like this? Isn't it cute, though?" But, again, I am not pregnant and not planning to be in the "family way" until at least August 2012. Is it weird I put a date to it? Yes. But if I don't, I feel like I don't have anything under control. And boy do I need control sometimes. A lot of the time. :D

I've also been struggling with some weird guilt issues. I feel guilty that I have lost weight (I am actually around 15lbs less than I was before I had a baby). Why should I be guilty about that? I'm healthy, I eat well, I treat my body well. I feel hurt when I'm told I need to eat some candy...I feel hurt when I'm told I need to go ahead and eat some pizza, it's good for me (which is kind of a double-whammy because I actually WANT to eat pizza and WOULD, if gluten didn't give me annoying migraines). I actually needed to prove a point to my hubs, who (I know he didn't mean to be negative) told me that I was getting too skinny...so I put on a pair of pants that used to fit when we started dating (and he used to think I was mighty hott-looking, mind you). So there. I shouldn't feel bad for making healthy choices. I shouldn't feel bad for achieving my very lofty weight-loss goals! And for those that think I don't indulge, that's bull. I LOVE to eat. I LOVE food. I just try to control myself a little more than I used to.

Eek! I need to get to bed, pronto.

Longing to Stay Home

Today I found myself thinking a lot about being able to stay home with Tobin. I know a lot of moms out there love the freedom of being able to work...but I just find all of it draining. I love the people I work with and appreciate that I have a flexible job; I just can't get over the fact that I want to be home with my little guy. I can't say that I find my job incredibly fulfilling (creatively OR financially)...and I often feel like I'm not important. If I'm completely honest, I feel taken for granted sometimes. Blah. I shouldn't be so down. My hubs says we can try to figure out everything once taxes are all over. I would never again expect any Christmas or birthday presents if he told me I could stay at home with our boy!

I have to laugh sometimes when I think about how serious Tobin is most of the time. Always thinking, always trying to figure out how to do something. It's amazing. I'm so looking forward to when he decides to start talking; I have a feeling I'll be doomed! Dave is really looking forward to that as well. He'll never be quiet once he gets started. Already, he's a crazy man with his signing. All I ever see is the sign for "food" or the sign for "milk" (which kind of defaults as anything in his sippy cup). :D Now he also puts his hands up and out to sides as "all done" in his high chair. It's pretty cute. I'm surprised at how much his eating has slowed down. I mean, thank goodness, because that kid was a black hole for the first year of his life. What I thought was picky eating was actually just not being interested in eating much anymore.

I suppose that's enough for now. Time to switch FMA discs...and the Lunesta is kicking in anyway. :)

Milestone Update

Oh gosh, I'm so bad about updating...a lot of things going on, but I'm sure I don't really need to explain. :)

Tobin is currently 13.5 months and running around like a crazy guy. He is so intense, sweet, loving, silly, and always surprising us with new things. He's too smart for his own good sometimes and loves to use the sign for "food" to his advantage. Anytime mommy or daddy has something to eat, he needs to get in on it. I really want to get him to learn the sign for "diaper" in hopes that he can tell me when he wants his diaper changed (when we are in a public place). At home, if I ask him if he has a poopy, he will walk to his room where we normally change diapers...so I know he recognizes the fact that he went, anyway.

As far as actual talking...he's not to interested. :D He will say Dada and Mama and (his very favorite word, it seems) Hi! The rest is in his own special Tobin-language...which I am beginning to understand, hilariously enough. I swear today in his high chair he said, "Mama, all done!"

Which brings me to a great story! We got Tobin an indoor play tent for Christmas this year. It also comes with a tube that can connect to the side of it. We took it out New Year's Eve for him to chase around in...he loved it. Dave put the tube away at bedtime so the cats wouldn't mess with it. In the morning, Dave got up with Tobin and they played around in the tent. Dave was hiding in it and meanwhile, Tobin got the tent packaging and brought the box over to Dave...and then pointed at the picture of the kid playing in the tube over and over. SO CUTE. Smart little bugger. So, of course, Daddy took the tube out, too.

Meal-times are getting a little problematic these days. He's very much interested in anything other than what he has to eat on his tray. I'm sure things will get a little better once he sees that Mommy makes him eat what he has or he doesn't get much to eat. We're not mean about it in any way...it's just that I am not going to deal with a picky eater. Or maybe he's just too excited about running around now. Not sure!

Cloth diapering still rocks pretty hard. I love it. I will soon be starting to use cloth wipes as well (because the disposable wipes tend to hurt his bum if he gets a diaper rash). Plus, if I'm going to be washing diapers, I might as well be tossing the wipes in there as well. There are so many great and easy "recipes" for making your own solution, too. Fun!

I still dream about being able to stay home with him. I feel like life would be so much easier for us...and fun. It's not a very "ambitious" dream according to most people, but I would really cherish the time at home. Not to mention, get some serious chores and personal small business stuff taken care of during nap time!

Busy Mommy Excuse?

Okay, so I'm really bad about updating. I guess I kinda always am, even without a little one running around. Well, he's not running yet...but he can crawl like the wind, I tell you. ^_^

Tobin is so much fun. He is just the happiest little boy around. I think the only time he really gets crabby is when he sees you making his bottle and he wants it NOW. So I suppose that's not really crabby - just impatient. I still try to make him "wait" a little. I, obviously, make it in the kitchen, but then I go to the nursery or the living room and make him crawl to me before he can have it. No picking him up nonsense! If he wants it, he can come to me to get it, hehe.

He does really well at restaurants. We went to Old Chicago tonight and it was actually later than his bedtime (it's Friday, so I decided to make an exception). He played with his toys, ate the black beans and tomato pieces I gave him, and stayed quiet for the most part. He was so tired that, for the first time since I've started to carry just him up the stairs (not in his seat), he stayed asleep in my arms/sling and stayed zonked out when I put him in his crib. Pretty crazy.

Speaking of stairs and carrying... I LOVE my sling that I bought from Sleeping Baby Productions. She is a work at home mom and custom makes every single order. I ordered mine on a Sunday night and had it by Thursday. It's amazing. I used to use a wrap when Tobin was small, but now it's a little cumbersome to use...especially in a hurry. I am so excited to wear him at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. I won't the WHOLE day, but I know he has a lot of fun seeing things from my height. I honestly believe that he is learning more when he can see everything from my point of view/how I interact with people and gets to hear my voice right next to him.

I think, for those interested, I will get an entry together of all of my favorite sites and information pertaining to babywearing. It could be cool, right? I'm also big into cloth diapering now. :) Huggies isn't getting my money anymore...especially since their rewards program has become VERY laughable.

So back to my little guy... He is indeed a very smiley dude. With the exception of photos. He was so distracted by the camera, the new people, and the weird surroundings that he would just stare. Pretty embarrassing. I'm choosing custom photography for his One Year photos (and family ones, too). I figure he'll be less distracted that way.

Crib craziness!

Today was a big day for Tobin.

We pretty much have the same schedule every weekday. I hear him babbling over the monitor, I go and get him and a bottle, and we have breakfast and "watch" Ellen/Price Is Right until nap time. Sometimes I shower while he's playing in the jumper, others I am a little too lazy and just wait until it's nap time. Either way, nap time (10:15-ish) came and he went down right away...yay! However, after only an hour, he was making noises over the monitor. I peek into the nursery and I see him standing up in the crib! EEK! I had JUST mentioned the day before how we would probably need to drop the mattress down pretty soon because he's getting good at pulling up on things. Apparently this mommy's intuition is right on. Being a dork, I had to take pictures. One might have also made it's way to Dave's phone, too. ;) I was scared and yet so proud of him for hitting that big boy milestone.

So anyway, I finish getting ready while he plays in the nursery on the floor and when I walk in again, he's doing a "real" crawl to go after a toy! Good Lord! I can't believe all of the stuff he just magically starts to do. Now all he wants to do is crawl and stand, crawl and stand. No more cuddling, just "hold out your hands, mommy, because I want to stand here." I guess the couch isn't always good enough.

Needless to say, the crib is once again safe. Dave was nice enough to do it tonight even though he had a crummy day. What a good daddy. :)

Mirena and Cloth Diapers!

The days have been passing too quickly for me. I want time to slow down a little...just for a while so I can catch my breath and really enjoy just being with my little family. Tobin is growing so fast and hitting milestone after milestone, I can hardly keep track anymore; it's hard to know what I should be writing down or remembering.

I called the nurse triage line today to try and get ahold of my OB. I have had some major cramping issues recently and (probably TMI) the strings of my Mirena are considerably shorter than they once were. I had it placed back in January when I was 8 weeks PP. The only thing running through my mind is the devastation I'm going to feel if for some reason it's bad news and my uterus is perforated or messed up in some other manner and I can't have future pregnancies. It seemed like such a good idea to have the Mirena: it worked with breastfeeding, almost no hormones, protection because I knew I wouldn't be getting uninterrupted sleep for FAM. Now I have some regrets seeing as breastfeeding had a sad ending for me anyway and Tobin started sleeping through the night by 14 weeks. We didn't (again, TMI) resume any sort of physical relationship until he was 9 weeks old anyway...so would 5 more weeks of waiting have been so bad? I know, it's not like I could have known when he would be sleeping well. But still. It's a little sad.

I will get up and call the nurse again tomorrow and see what the deal is. Since my deductible is already met for the year, I might just have them remove it anyway... I really can't tolerate all of this annoying cramping, especially if nothing is wrong. I would so much rather be using FAM. I know there are plenty of people out there that don't agree with it and think it's not reliable. Well, that's your opinion. :) I successfully used it for 8 cycles previous to my pregnancy. And to those out there trying, it's the best thing you can do to learn about your body in that kind of detail. It really is amazing.

Anyway... Tobin's new favorite thing is my teeth. At night, when I am rocking and cuddling him before bed, he puts his little fingers in my mouth and just giggles like crazy when he feels my teeth in there. He also keeps tonguing his gums. Maybe he might actually be starting to get teeth? Who knows... I love his toothless smile anyway. :)

I have cloth diapers on their way in the mail. I got 10 one-size-ers with 20 inserts for only $54. Man, I love eBay! I hope they get here soon because I am so pumped to start using them. I will keep some disposables for out-and-about and maybe travel situations but I think I'm really going to like not spending money on diapers anymore. Let's hope they fit until potty-training time! :)

a little late...

So I'm starting this blog a little late into Tobin's first year of life, but it's better late than never, right? He is 7 1/2 months old now and just SO active (at least I think so, haha). I still forget that he can "army crawl" around so fast and will catch him going after the cat food the second my back is turned. He knows where I don't want him to go...and goes there! I really miss the days of quietly nursing in bed and taking naps together. He would never want to sit still long enough for that these days. So here are his achievements thus far: sitting, rolling, army crawling, sitting himself up from laying, babbling like crazy, eating chunks of soft food (banana, avacado, etc.), feeding himself said chunks, sleeping 11 hours at night... I guess the list goes on as long as I want it to.

Needless to say, I'm pretty enthralled by him. He amazes me every day.